By: Craig J. Sorensen
Thursday, November 15, 2012
By: Craig J. Sorensen
Recently, a good friend has been going through the sort of relationship that has more pivot points than a double jointed hand with six fingers. It started before I left Pennsylvania in June. It ended before I left in June. Started again after I left, ended again. Started, ended… well, you get the idea.
She’s a beautiful young woman, highly intelligent, very creative, and successful in a field that is not easy to be successful in. They have a lot in common, and just one or two things where they differ.
But they are big things.
Each time relationship 2.0 and 3.0 and etc. ended, he gave me a post mortem of how wonderful it felt when the relationship started, how she was so understanding about his want to take it slow. He described how quickly it changed toward the end. As he described the cycles in the most recent release, it occurred to me what he was describing. And maybe you’ve seen or felt it too:
When I described it in those terms to him, he practically screamed it out: "That's exactly what it is!"
Cocaine love: Quick on the uptake, full of chemistry and biology and euphoria. More often than not this kind of relationships end with an equally resounding crash.
Ultimately, each time this cocaine love began with her accepting his position on a fundamental point. By the end, the actions spoke louder than words, and this flexibility fell away like a mask. And the principle he is operating on is one that really shouldn’t be asked to change. Each time the relationship finished, he said how stupid he was, how he won't get caught in that trap again.
It comes down to a person who will “give everything” if he just “change one thing.”
But the essence of true love is not asking one to change their fundamental principles, especially when they are the same core values that make that person special. And that is the case here.
There are many things that can lead to a cocaine love, but the bottom line is that it is hard to live on a steady diet of cocaine. Maybe cocaine love can work, if both partners are committed after the high wears off. And sometimes that means enduring the withdrawal. Together.
The great relationships are like a fine meal. Invigorating, and can be exciting, but sustaining as well. A good meal doesn’t have the potential to emaciate the way that narcotics can.
Usually one person is the narcotic in a cocaine love, while the other is deep in the high.
Again, this is not to say that a couple truly in love cannot have an intense sort of desire, but there is a certain false-front that defines cocaine love. And the essence of being able to see past it, is being willing to take a look at the relationship in profile.
The essence is seeing the difference between being high and being nourished.
I've used the dynamic of cocaine love in stories. It makes great material, especially in erotica, but a lot better explored in fiction than lived through in life.
Just ask my friend.