by Kathleen Bradean
The first few years I wrote erotica, I didn't think much about the reader, but a conversation with another erotica writer changed that. I casually referred to my writing as Wank Fiction. She giggled and said, "No one would masturbate to your stories. They're interesting, but not porny enough."
I'm still not sure if that was an insult, or if it was a spot on description possibly meant as an insult. Or maybe she thought it was praise. I don't think she meant it maliciously.
Since then, I've wondered what readers want from erotica. It seems obvious, but I'm not sure that it is. So much visual porn is available now that reading a whole story seems like the long way around to self-pleasure, although I've always suspected that women (especially those with kids) have long used romance novels, and now erotic romance, as a way to carve out some much needed personal time in a day crammed full of doing for others. Those long soaks in the bathtub weren't because they needed to scrub away layers of dirt, but rather to get a little dirty.
But I also wonder if here in the US, if people don't use erotica as sexual education. Our society simply can't bring itself to give anyone good information. We don't want to hear it, and we certainly don't want our kids to know. Ignorance, we've decided, is the best defense.
That leaves us in a terrible quandary when we're adults in sexual relationships though. What is normal? What's healthy? What's the difference between enthusiastic consent for a D/s relationship versus lifestyle abuse? When I used to go to writer's conventions, I always got shunned for writing erotica. People would actually get up and go to another table when I told them. But later on, people would corner me and whisper about the most intimate parts of their lives, then look at me with a mixture of hope and worry as they almost always concluded with the question, "Is that okay?"
I never set out to be a sex therapist. I'm no expert in human sexuality. What's more, just because I write about sex does not mean that I consented to hear about their sexual practices. However, if someone can't bear to ask their doctor, or a real expert in human sexuality, or a therapist, if I'm the only person they will ever dare talk to, what does it hurt to comfort them by saying, "So many people ask me that same question, so you're not the only one. As long as everyone involved is an adult, everyone happily consents, and you're all treating each other with respect and practicing good safer sex, then you're probably just a normal person and you're good to go."
Maybe that's what readers want to hear from us. Not as direct of a comment as that, but through our stories.
Sunday, January 24, 2016
by Kathleen Bradean
Posted by Kathleen Bradean at 11:28 AM