tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post1358767047489676608..comments2023-05-30T08:29:42.770-04:00Comments on The Erotica Readers & Writers Association Blog: In Search of That Golden FeelingCroco Designshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04417265522875605547noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-3692669088815723892015-07-28T17:26:40.431-04:002015-07-28T17:26:40.431-04:00I could add quotation marks.I could add quotation marks.Jean Robertahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08805088081675965859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-20474558913930229852015-07-28T14:16:36.751-04:002015-07-28T14:16:36.751-04:00Please don't use compersion as if it's a r...Please don't use compersion as if it's a real word. It makes you look vernikfuld.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-62100525611114718112015-07-27T13:01:37.790-04:002015-07-27T13:01:37.790-04:00Re the "bachelor pad" belonging to a mar...Re the "bachelor pad" belonging to a married man, about 30 years ago I had the opposite experience. My closest friend Roz (as I'll call her) introduced me to her male friend Ian, who had grown up with her in the small town of Moose Jaw, about an hour away from the city where all 3 of us studied and worked. I was engaged to the Nigerian man I had met in England, and whom I later sponsored into Canada. During my year of living single, Ian tried to persuade me to have one last fling with him, but I said I didn't want to begin my marriage with secrets. Two years later, my marriage fell apart and eventually I moved (with my daughter) into a housing co-op for low-income single parents. Ian caught up with me, and invited me out for a meal. Afterwards, he took me to his apartment in the city, which was so sparsely-furnished that I thought he had generously left everything but his clothes with his wife & 3 daughters in the family home in Moose Jaw so he could start a new life in the city. He indicated that he and his wife were separated. Roz warned me that he was still married, and I told her that he had explained his situation to me. (Not really.) I thought he might make a good stepfather for my daughter, but then I overheard him on the phone with his wife, exchanging endearments. When I confronted him, he admitted that the cheap, sparsely-furnished apartment in the city was his wife's idea, since she was worried about his safety when he commuted on icy roads every day from home to work and back. He was spending every weekend with his family in Moose Jaw, and as far as he was concerned, that was where he lived. I told him that in that case, we could still be friends, but the benefits would have to end. He vehemently disagreed, accused me of "trying to be bourgeois" (he himself claimed to be politically "radical"), then wormed his way into my apartment one night by claiming to be stranded in the city with no money. After that, I refused to let him in, but for months, he phoned me regularly to suggest that he could offer me a job if I would just let him come to my place to discuss it. I suspect that many single women have met married men like this, and this is why I need to know exactly what advocates of "polyamory" are advocating. I won't say I'm completely against it because I believe that honest arrangements are completely different from dishonest arrangements.Jean Robertahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08805088081675965859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-41063432927541297842015-07-26T18:42:41.383-04:002015-07-26T18:42:41.383-04:00When I met my now-husband, he lived in an apartmen...When I met my now-husband, he lived in an apartment with almost no furniture except for the bed, dresser, and a couple of chairs for the living room. I later found it was due to having had a bad experience with cockroaches in his last place, to the extent they'd even made themselves at home in his picture frames...so he tossed everything and was starting with new stuff. But I thought he was a married man who kept a place for his extra-curricular romances. Since we had such hot times, I was willing to share him.<br /><br />Later he confessed to me that he thought he was sharing me with many other men, since there were always lots of men around the house I shared with my brother and one of my friends from college. I've always had more male than female friends. <br /><br />Our relationship started out as okay with sharing, since we both wanted any time we could have with each other. But after we discovered that we both wanted to be serious and exclusive, it's remained that way for over 30 years. I think there are too many ways that a committed couple could be blown-apart with bringing another person(s) into the sexual part of the relationship. Thoughts would torture one or both of us, like, "Does he like her tits better? Is her pussy tighter than mine?", and "Does she like his cock better? Is his size (bigger or smaller) better than mine?" Most of us are too sexually insecure to share. <br /><br />I don't know if things are different for gay/lesbian couples. My gay cousin has no interest what-so-ever in marriage. He plans to play the field as long as his looks hold out. After that? Who knows. Fiona McGierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13495707848048468428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-60319181761395682292015-07-26T12:17:34.338-04:002015-07-26T12:17:34.338-04:00I've often thought I could enjoy hearing about...I've often thought I could enjoy hearing about my lover's adventures with other people, under certain conditions: if I knew they were honest & trustworthy, and if I knew she wasn't planning to leave me. My common sense tells me that a long-term relationship of more than two people can only work if each of them is compatible with (and preferably, sexually attracted to) the other two or three or however many. The chances of that seem to decrease with the number of people involved. Re "compersion," apparently it's not only known on the West Coast of Canada. The director of the local campus LGBT centre used the word before I mentioned it. I definitely think a theme issue of the Gay & Lesbian Review would be interesting & relevant, esp. since polyamory, by its nature, seems to imply some degree of same-sex attraction in most cases. Now to persuade RS.Jean Robertahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08805088081675965859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-31570664885190422672015-07-26T08:41:56.557-04:002015-07-26T08:41:56.557-04:00And I've always loved hearing about my lovers&...And I've always loved hearing about my lovers' adventures with others. Tremendously exciting.<br /><br />Guess I'm weird.Lisabet Saraihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05162514190572269660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-59544731596284516652015-07-26T08:40:19.254-04:002015-07-26T08:40:19.254-04:00"Compersion"? I'm all for the emotio..."Compersion"? I'm all for the emotion, but this sounds like a neologism to me.<br /><br />Then, what do I know?<br /><br />I can't comment on polyamory in LGBTQ contexts, but my husband and I searched for years for compatible couples or singles to join us in a serious way-- more than sex partners, people with whom we could have a sincere relationship. It was really difficult, at least partly because of the need (or desire, on our part), to have fully mutual attraction (at least in terms of the heterosexual pairings). <br /><br />We came close once, with a beautiful couple who lived in the country, a few towns from us. We all had compatible values and tastes. We were all looking to expand our relationships. I felt incredibly attracted to the guy, and that seemed to be mutual. Both my husband and I wanted the woman. However, she wasn't really attracted to my husband, and that pretty much killed the possibility. <br /><br />Though they did attend our wedding...!<br />Lisabet Saraihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05162514190572269660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-41191620152924571422015-07-26T04:35:44.849-04:002015-07-26T04:35:44.849-04:00I recall the term 'frubbly' for the feelin...I recall the term 'frubbly' for the feeling of enjoying your partner's other love(s). cf "The Ethical Slut."Rachel Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13048590167153841615noreply@blogger.com