tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post2215843525726183707..comments2023-05-30T08:29:42.770-04:00Comments on The Erotica Readers & Writers Association Blog: Once A Slut Always A Slut?: Why Fallen Women Can’t Get UpCroco Designshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04417265522875605547noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-15995935994964730872016-03-23T22:04:41.751-04:002016-03-23T22:04:41.751-04:00Thanks, Donna. I'm glad to know that some peop...Thanks, Donna. I'm glad to know that some people have noticed my comments. Since I'm not a famous author, sometimes I feel so invisible on-line. Since I'm brash and loud in person, that's not something I'm used to. Thanks for making me feel a bit less invisible!Fiona McGierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13495707848048468428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-22702611162918393932016-03-22T14:01:12.899-04:002016-03-22T14:01:12.899-04:00Fiona, I am always so inspired and heartened by yo...Fiona, I am always so inspired and heartened by your posts! I also love that sentiment--it doesn't matter how many came before, as long as I'm the last. Now THAT'S romantic, truly :). I was reading a sex advice book that focused on female orgasm (long story, might write a review) but one of the many sad stories in it were from men who were so delighted to finally be with women who were turned on. Sex was so different when the woman was aroused, they said. Which makes you wonder, with great sadness, what sex must have been like before. So men don't really benefit from the shell-shocked virgin partner either. There is very little to lose from an equal partnership in pleasure!Donnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13615190390845433428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-91842608488715724562016-03-22T13:54:19.444-04:002016-03-22T13:54:19.444-04:00Absolutely agreed. And really, gender equality is ...Absolutely agreed. And really, gender equality is a huge shift from millennia of habit. There are plenty of people around still making the rules who were raised in the old-fashioned way. Still, we can all do our best. I think erotica writers are in a good place to make some difference because speaking out about the "shame" is a good way to change the dynamic for the better.Donnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13615190390845433428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-88054252449217894792016-03-21T23:25:45.686-04:002016-03-21T23:25:45.686-04:00I was a teenager in the '70s also, and I, too,...I was a teenager in the '70s also, and I, too, thought all of this BS would be behind us by now. But instead, here we are, with women still being thought too dumb to control their own bodies, and those with nothing else interesting in their lives wanting to control how much sex everyone else is having, because they KNOW it's more than they are getting...or at least more enjoyable.<br /><br />Women, having been gifted by nature with the one organ on the body created for the sole purpose of sexual pleasure, are still considered to be dangerous if they try to control their own sexual satisfaction. They are to keep their legs crossed until marriage, then suddenly become a whore for their husband, who presumably has enough experience for both of them. This stereotype would be laughable if it wasn't so sad. I learned from my mom and others of her generation how much of a disappointment that kind of thinking led to. So I took matters into my own hands (ahem) and never looked back.<br /><br />And my husband of over 30 years, bless him, told me that he didn't care how many there were before him, as long as he was the last. I've used that line in some of my books. Needless to say, I don't write about virginal young women, nor do I write (or read) alpha-holes who are judgmental. <br /><br />Only men who are terrified of a woman discovering that they're no damn good in bed, want to have a virgin...or control what every other woman does with her body. It's no one's business. We are not "here for your pleasure," nor are we here to be incubators for your sperm. We are fully equal human beings with sexual desires of our own. If you can't accept that, then I feel sorry for you...and doubly sorry for the women in your life. And I humbly suggest you check your calendar, and stop trying to return us to those halcyon days when men were men and women were property. It's the 21st century! Fiona McGierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13495707848048468428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-15678560445932354032016-03-21T13:02:30.770-04:002016-03-21T13:02:30.770-04:00I recently read that true gender equality isn'...I recently read that true gender equality isn't expected until 2133, generations from today. I believe that parity in the boardroom won't happen until we have parity in the bedroom. We need to move past this vision of sex and shame and accept a gender neutral view that celebrates rather than shames the human condition and all of its quirks and pleasures too. Gingerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18224105349792535677noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-63263201074398136592016-03-19T18:28:45.780-04:002016-03-19T18:28:45.780-04:00In my research, I've read that it was very com...In my research, I've read that it was very common for poorly paid working-class women to supplement their wardrobes and stomachs with "treats" from their boyfriends, which was essentially amateur pay for play. Shopgirls were notoriously underpaid (as were all women from teachers to factory and office workers) and the male department store managers would openly encourage them to find a male "friend" who would buy them fine clothes so the shopgirls could look nice on the job. So they worked a double shift so to speak.Donnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13615190390845433428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-28419372376947832016-03-19T18:24:27.830-04:002016-03-19T18:24:27.830-04:00There were definitely some heros in the history of...There were definitely some heros in the history of the struggle for sexual equality. We could use some more of them! Donnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13615190390845433428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-67358377962234836632016-03-19T18:23:09.508-04:002016-03-19T18:23:09.508-04:00Rachel, thank you so much for sharing your experie...Rachel, thank you so much for sharing your experiences and perspective! This is the kind of herstory we all need to hear more about. I came of age in the 1970s when the prevailing fantasy was that the sexual revolution had swept away the double standard and women now had control of their bodies and libidos. Surely society would progress to full sexual equality in a few years. Obviously in the US this is not true, beginning with reproductive choice restrictions in many states. What I find really sad is that sexuality is still regarded as dirty and dangerous. Grants for the scientific study of sexuality are hard to come by. Honest public discussion is rare beyond "ten tips for a better orgasm" types of magazine articles. And yes, in many countries sexual equality is a non-starter. It's a much longer and more difficult journey than we thought it would be in 1974.Donnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13615190390845433428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-70084687682415435832016-03-19T16:07:44.980-04:002016-03-19T16:07:44.980-04:00And it's not as if Victorian women could escap...And it's not as if Victorian women could escape from sexual harassment or abuse by entering "respectable" occupations. Actual prostitution probably paid better.Jean Robertahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08805088081675965859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-24944515473742632592016-03-19T16:06:03.567-04:002016-03-19T16:06:03.567-04:00Unfortunately true. One unsung hero of the Victori...Unfortunately true. One unsung hero of the Victorian Age was Richard Pankhurst, lawyer, who was married to famous feminist Emmeline and father to her equally famous daughters, Sylvia and Christabel. Apparently he gave the crusading women of his family his unqualified support.Jean Robertahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08805088081675965859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-54342208139331192532016-03-18T15:57:39.453-04:002016-03-18T15:57:39.453-04:00As a writer of erotica who has actually lived thro...As a writer of erotica who has actually lived through two thirds of the last 100 years, (I am 66), I can certainly vouch for the changes in attitudes regarding women and sex throughout that time. The Sixties coincided with my teenage years, when the Pill became more widely available, thus reducing the numbers of unplanned pregnancies, although I can recall that at the age of 24 I visited my Doctor for a prescription for the Pill, and he refused to let me have it on the grounds that I wasn't married. (Hard to believe now.) When I was at school, girls used to disappear from school for several months, during which time they were made to live in a mother and baby home to have their illegitimate child, which was then removed for adoption in most cases. It was a brave young woman (usually with a supportive Mother) who kept their child and took on society's disapproving title of 'Single Parent' (as though the baby was conceived by immaculate conception). The only other course of action was a hasty marriage, if you were over 16 and the boy stood by you. My sex education consisted mainly of 'Men won't respect you if you give them what they want' and 'Once they have got what they want they will leave you high and dry'. In other words, keep your legs tightly crossed and marry as a virgin. Thankfully I escaped all that by leaving home for the capital, London, and then travelling the world, but I still occasionally see someone I knew who married young and pregnant, who says 'I wish that I had had the chance to do something with my life before I settled down.' I would like to say that this attitude to women and sex has all gone, but in Moslem communities in Britain, young women are still being denied the freedom to choose their husbands, and are often sent back to Pakistan at 16 to be married to a man they have never met. So we still have a way to go before women can truly say that they can behave sexually in the way that men always have. I do not condemn all men for this. I have met many decent men who do not judge women in this way, but sadly there are still those misogynistic males (and sadly some women too) who accept differing moral standards between the sexes. An interesting and thought-provoking post. Rachel de Vinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13142396128885291395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-67064477498991054162016-03-18T12:09:48.792-04:002016-03-18T12:09:48.792-04:00The paintings are a treat. I didn't have time ...The paintings are a treat. I didn't have time to go into the symbolism, but it's worth taking a closer look at the details. The girls building a house of cards on French novels, the playbills for adultery melodramas posted under the bridge. It all supports the tragic story and it's useful moral lesson!Donnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13615190390845433428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-8883485205086695342016-03-18T12:06:14.250-04:002016-03-18T12:06:14.250-04:00Ugh. The toxic twists of logic used against women ...Ugh. The toxic twists of logic used against women would be laughable if they weren't so damaging. It boils down to a male refusal to take any responsibility for sex at all. In men it is a natural urge. Women are the problem--too sexual, not sexual enough, totally responsible for pregnancy. Plus until a few decades ago, the public discourse was all controlled by men. We need the other side of the story! Donnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13615190390845433428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-20803646325337030382016-03-18T03:42:09.103-04:002016-03-18T03:42:09.103-04:00These paintings are amazing--and appalling. Thanks...These paintings are amazing--and appalling. Thanks for sharing some of the results of your research. I look forward to the novel itself!<br /><br />Lisabet Saraihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05162514190572269660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-76596828834134962682016-03-18T01:11:49.472-04:002016-03-18T01:11:49.472-04:00Great post! And too true, Victorian morality is no...Great post! And too true, Victorian morality is not dead. In the 1970s, my ex-husband spread the word that I was a slut who "got myself pregnant" while married to him. Any evidence that I had had sex at all, even within marriage, was a sign of my "fall." Since then, I've heard other unbelievable rumours from ex-husbands. Jean Robertahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08805088081675965859noreply@blogger.com