tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post9192221252794410152..comments2023-05-30T08:29:42.770-04:00Comments on The Erotica Readers & Writers Association Blog: “Son, Don’t Rape Anyone at College!”Croco Designshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04417265522875605547noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-16744745616367969682014-12-19T11:48:21.737-05:002014-12-19T11:48:21.737-05:00I also agree with your excellent points, Lisabet, ...I also agree with your excellent points, Lisabet, and now realize this issue is so difficult to discuss in a few paragraphs! The open dialogue I'm suggesting should most importantly include exchange between women and men because we're all trapped in the historical assumptions. Now that I'm older and more secure myself, I better understand that young men see women as obstacles to be conquered or sexual manipulators--and of course have long known that I have to hide my own sexual feelings. Maybe this is idealistic, but if more people could speak their truths openly, more of us might have compassion and understanding!Donnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13615190390845433428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-90628727503158382702014-12-19T11:43:28.893-05:002014-12-19T11:43:28.893-05:00Anonymous, I agree with you and am sorry that my e...Anonymous, I agree with you and am sorry that my example of what to tell young women was misleading in its absurdity, because I do NOT believe any person, man or woman, deserves assault and abuse because of anything they did (shy of throwing the first punch and the reaction to that is self-defense). I'm also sure that most people who urge parents to talk to their sons have the best intentions and for the sake of a brief essay, I chose to interpret the suggestion as a simple exhortation. But if parents don't address all the factors and assumptions that might lead a "nice" boy to sexual assault--peer pressure to score, the idea that girls have to say "no" but don't mean it, etc--then "don't force yourself on an unwilling partner" might be taken as just another command by an adult who doesn't get the scene. But it is uncomfortable for many people to talk about sex in any way but through cliches, and the cultural cliches about sexuality are partially responsible.Donnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13615190390845433428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-70715485928366395782014-12-18T22:54:42.542-05:002014-12-18T22:54:42.542-05:00This is an extremely well written and clearly argu...This is an extremely well written and clearly argued post, Donna. I don't disagree with your conclusions. However, I'd note that rape in many cases has little to do with sexual desire. In the case of the sort of fraternity gang rape cases making the news, peer pressure, the need for status, sexual frustration and anger at girls who don't "put out" seem to me to be far more important. <br /><br />There's one way in which your prescription of more sexual openness might help. I think many men are brought up to believe that most women don't enjoy sex, that in fact women use the promise of sex to control them. Young men, in particular, are horny all the time, needing relief, and tend to look at all the girls out there who engender this state as obstacles to be conquered. <br /><br />If men could actually talk to women about sex, they'd come to realize that most of us are as horny as they are - we just express it differently. Sex would become less about conquest and more about mutual satisfaction. <br /><br />Unfortunately, women still can't admit to be sexually creatures without being labeled as sluts. And although every young man might in some sense crave a slut, when he meets a woman who might fit that description from a behavioral perspective, society tells him that she has lower worth than a woman who "guards her virtue".<br />Lisabet Saraihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05162514190572269660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7396437919069310850.post-15960343248650996392014-12-18T11:56:14.296-05:002014-12-18T11:56:14.296-05:00This is a complex issue and I think you bring up s...This is a complex issue and I think you bring up some good points. However, I feel like it went sideways surrounding the point the commentator who blamed parents was making.<br /><br />Of course, I didn't read what she said but I've seen this argument made and here's how I interpret it. They're saying, let's teach boys not to rape. And NOT teach girls how to not get raped, because that implies they had a choice, and is a form of victim shaming.<br /><br />So we would tell boys "do not rape" but we wouldn't tell girls "don't wear short skirts." The first one is a pretty reasonable request to ask of our sons (even if it feels obvious to us as parents that OUR son wouldn't do that.) The second one is a form of victim blaming. And many many parents have said the second, and continue to say the second, while very few ever say the first.<br /><br />The commentator's statement wasn't about holding parents responsible, it was about holding rapists responsible--not the victims.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com